I’m trying to be positive trying to see the shimmer of light that lies before me trying to focus on anything else but the nausea the headaches the bone altering experience that I mentioned before. The shadow that casts over my thoughts of positive thinking is erased in one felt swooop….I lay still. In darkness. Waiting in anguish waiting for this cloud to subside. Finally the pain of enormity leaves my body then the urge to vomit enters me as I rush to the bathroom hoping that I make it on time… This has been my life the 4 days after treatment over the last 8 weeks. Its horrendous presence is something I would not wish on anyone. This is the end this is the end this is the end!
I’m pumped up on pills injecting myself daily dry mouth scaly skin rashes metal tasting smells and bruising from my pic line ….I feel alien all of this is supposed to be making me get better. Intellectually, I know that it is but writing it makes me think REALLY?
so I look to this quote and an advise from a tree. Stand tall and be Proud it says. Go on a Limb. Remember your Roots. Drink plenty of Water. Be content with your Natural Beauty. and last Enjoy the view. How do I make sense of all of this I ask myself. And the only way I know how is to know that there is far worse in the world. That my 4 days will surpass and soin no more. That I’m still breathing barely sometimes but breathing non the less. The Water will sustain me. My Roots will make me strong and get me through. I will once again Stand tall and go out on a Limb feeling all there is to feel and be in my Natural Beauty.